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Recently, we saw some hot cum eating and kissing scenes in a new MSR video. While the action was incredibly sexy, we were surprised to see this action portrayed in a video. It seemed irresponsible and hypocritical at the same time because after one guy finished shooting his load all over his partner’s face, chest and in his eyes and mouth, he licked his own cum off the guy and French kissed him. The guy swallowed every drop of cum he could get and then put on a condom before fucking his partner! What was the point of the condom at this point?
My partner has been HIV+ for twelve years and has no signs of the disease. He does not take any medication. I am HIV-. We just celebrated our seventh anniversary. We are both in our mid-40’s. Our sex life is wonderful. We both like to be pigs – but we are careful!
I would love to be able to swallow his cum and take his load up my ass, but safe sex practices say no to these fun sports. Can my partner swallow my cum or take my load without risk to him at this point? Ours is a totally monogamous relationship. I am tested annually for HIV.
This man is my rock and my soul mate. We would love to enhance our love making even further if it were safe, however a long lifetime together is far more important.
Your guidance is appreciated.
Signed, PuppiePop
Dear PuppiePop,
Historically, in response to the AIDS crisis, the porn industry made a definitive shift away from sex without condoms somewhere around the mid 1980’s. This shift towards safe sex has remained intact until just recently. There have been some underground videos that began making “bareback videos”. They have even gotten more mainstream but are not generally accepted by the majority of the public. This new trend of cumming in another guys mouth is a bit more complicated.
Research says that oral sex, and cumming in someone’s mouth, has some level of risk attached to it. How much risk is anyone’s guess. There have been documented cases of people contracting the HIV virus through unprotected oral sex. There are varying factors that feed into this as well. Circumstances such as bleeding gums or open sores in the mouth have been attributed to higher risk. Swallowing cum is also considered somewhat higher risk because it is ingested internally.
Representatives from the porn studios that have decided to portray their models eating each other’s cum say that they believe the risk is very low. They believe that most people do it in the real world and these men want to see this act portrayed in the films they watch. The studios say they still have a strong commitment towards safer sex and to fighting the HIV epidemic. They have discussed the risk with each of their models and, in turn, the models who are swapping the cum have discussed it with each other. Presumably the models talk about HIV and whether their status is the same.
This is what it comes down to for you. It is a personal choice. The harm reduction model states that if you do decide to eat your partners cum, make sure you have no open cuts in your mouth. Do not floss your teeth before oral sex. Make sure there are no sores in your mouth. If he cums in your mouth the best bet is to spit it out. This risk is obviously lower to your partner than it is for you as he is already HIV+. If you are getting the blow job all you have to worry about is cuts on your dick or irritation at the opening of your pisshole. Of course, fucking without a condom, either top or bottom, is still very risky. Although lower risk for you if you’re the top, still risky indeed. This all sounds very clinical. There are no easy answers but, like always, we are left to be creative on our own to make sex manageable and fun. You can make it as hot as you want it to be. If you go this route with your partner, make up some hot scenes. My personal favorite is to have him cum on your face with your mouth open as you look into each other’s eyes. Some of it will hit your cheek or neck and some of it may hit your open mouth and tongue. Then he can bend down and lick all of it off of you, tongue and all. Now that’s pretty hot.
Dear Sexpert,
My partner and I have been together 19 years. We love each other very much and we are both committed to the relationship but there are some problems. We fight about the same things all the time. Not really fighting but disagreements and they never seem to be resolved. Also, we haven’t had sex in a long time. We’re not spring chickens anymore so I don’t need it all the time. But I still have a healthy sex drive and need to get it once in a while. Even if it’s only getting my dick sucked. We’ve been monogamous but I’m considering just going to one of the adult bookstores or a local park and getting a quickie blow job. I know it’s not right but I’m running out of options and am horny.
Signed, Jim
Dear Jim,
Don’t, I repeat, DO NOT go outside of your relationship for sex without talking with your partner about it. This would be a very bad mistake. You have spent many years building the trust and intimacy that comes with a long term relationship. Don’t (pardon the pun) blow it now just because you need to get off sexually. Outside sex may very well be an option for you two but you don’t know that now. And the only way to figure it all out is to sit him down and talk with him about your feelings.
My first thought would be that you two get to a skilled couples therapist. Preferably one skilled in Imago Relationship Therapy. This is a form of couple’s therapy based on the work of Harville Hendrix. His landmark book “Getting the Love You Want” written over thirty years ago spawned much of the relationship self help industry you see today. Get the book. Read it. It talks about why you have those arguments that seem to be always the same. It’s called a “core dance” that you do with your partner and it will continue until you find a way to resolve the feelings behind the issues that the two of you have. For example, it’s never just about the dirty clothes you leave all over the house. It’s about the feelings that he experiences when you throw your underwear on the floor. Start a dialogue with him and find out what his frustrations are.
This exercise will begin a stretch back to intimacy for you. This will lead to more interest in sex. Talk with him, and/or your therapist about what you can do to increase the intimacy between the two of you. Be unconventional. Make a date night. Go out with each other to a nice dinner or somewhere you both enjoy. Come home and light some candles and put on some music. Make it romantic and then begin to rediscover each other sexually. Or you can go the other route and start exploring some of your sexual fantasies. Leather is very popular as it opens the doors to trying things sexually you may have not tried before. Slings, toys, dildos can all be excellent additions to a healthy sexual relationship. Some couples decide to incorporate outside partners into their sex life. I see nothing wrong with this as long as it is done with the idea of enhancing an already good sexual connection. Problems arise when a couple isn’t happy with each other and look outside of the relationship for their happiness. Be sure to talk in depth with your partner about needs, expectations, and fears before making a decision on this.