QuestionMark? #74

July 22, 2016by Mark Rutherford

Dear Mark, I split up 2 years ago with my boyfriend. I am living with fears since then.
When i split up with him, he told me he was HIV positive, about six months ago i called him and he apologized for what he has done. He told me it was all lies and he wanted to hurt me as I hurt him by splitting up with him.

In the meanwhile i had another boyfriend, i am not anymore with him, he told me he was fine (HIV negative), but someone told me that his male friend was HIV positive.   I know they are not having sex, but i can’t stop worrying that he may be HIV positive as well.

I didn’t show any symptoms at all since then, i am just having an allergic reactions to spring like hayfever.

I am just feeling worry, and a bit scared to get tested.
What do you think?



Hey There My Friend,

It is later the same day and I’m just getting to your email.  People say some hurtful things when they are breaking up.  I’m sorry you had such an experience.  While I didn’t understand the part about you having another boyfriend who had another male friend who was HIV positive but not gay, what I think you were saying is that you feared they may have had sex.  That implied that your fear was that you may have subsequently gotten it from your last boyfriend.

What it really sounds like is you are having some issues around your fear about contracting the HIV virus.  Let me start by saying that your fears are logical and normal.  Many gay men experience what has been come to be known as “AIDS phobia” or the fear of catching AIDS.  It has been so pervasive in our culture, it makes sense that many gay men either grow to have an irrational fear of catching it or begin to practice unsafe behavior because they think it’s only a matter of time before they catch it anyway.  Both of these assumptions are false, of course.

Your best bet is to get educated about the virus.  Find out how you can catch it.  Find out what you can and can not do sexually.  This part is very important.   I would suggest you get in and get yourself tested.  Even if you haven’t had any risky behavior, it is good for sexually active gay men to get tested at least every two years.  Because on the slim chance that you have been infected, you have the option of seeking treatment.  And there are many treatments available to people living with this virus.  It’s still scary but it’s not the death sentence it was a decade ago.  Much progress has been made and people can lead long and enjoyable lives even if they are HIV positive.

Most importantly, talk with any prospective sexual partners about HIV and practicing safer sex.  It is really the best way to get everything out in the open so you can avoid another similar situation.  Best of luck to you.

If you have any questions, please don’t  hesitate to ask.  Be well.  Mark


Dear Mark, I moved here a year ago, and now I have relationship with a great guy,
but since my parents haven’t accepted the fact that I’m gay, I’m seeing
him without their permission. That’s not the problem… You see, I just
turned 17 and he’s 22, and I’m afraid that if they find out about him,
they could sue him or something, because he is older than me… So here
are my questions…

1)      Can they take any legal procedures against him??

2)      If they can, when will I be old enough so that they can’t do
anything against him??? Until I’m 18 or 21???

I would really appreciate if you could answer these questions for me.

Thanks and congratulations for your first anniversary.

 Hey Andres,

A couple of things. Yes, you have reason to be concerned. Parents in the state of Florida can take legal action against someone who is having sex with a minor. I consulted with an attorney who stated it can be a sticky legal situation. It isn’t a given your parents will be able to fully prosecute him even if they really want to. They have to prove something called “emancipation”. Basically, this means they have to prove you are completely dependent upon them for survival. If you can prove otherwise, they have less of a case. Of course, this is very subjective and your chances depend upon the kind of judge you get etc. When you are 18 you are free and clear from any parental input. If I can help further, please let me know.

Take Care, Mark