Healthy Relationships: Wants her cake.

Dear Mark: I'm dating a couple different guys at the moment. The other day, two of them found out that they weren't the only ones I was seeing. I think they were disappointed about it, but we'd never discussed not seeing anyone else. I've only been seeing them for a couple weeks each and I think that's too early to be exclusive. What sort of speech should I give them so I can continue to see as many guys as I want and still have them want to see me? Lesley in West Palm

Dear Lesley, What an interesting turnaround. Usually I get letters from men who are having trouble multitasking their dating relationships. Your letter is a good reminder that both men and women often experience the same feelings. I think you should skip the speech and try to have a conversation with these men. I think it's entirely okay that you haven't yet had the "I'm dating/seeing/sleeping with other guys" discussion. However, it had to happen sometime and now that they know, it's an amazing opportunity to get all the cards on the table. Find out what they're thinking about you and try to give an honest account of your feelings as well. If you only want to keep it casual, have the courage to tell them exactly that. If they say they want to be your exclusive partner and you don't want that, again you must rise to the challenge and let them know what is going on inside.

It's okay to date a couple of guys at a time. It's how people have been doing it since the beginning of time. It's also okay to have some anxiety about it, too. Some poor chap back in the 1800s was probably pacing back and forth about the same thing. Relax into these feelings. They are normal. Your only job is to talk to the men in your life about them. And stay true to yourself in the process. Don't date a guy exclusively just because he really wants to. Nothing spells disaster quicker than beginning a relationship under false pretenses.

If all of the guys are okay with your multiple dating, then I say "Go forth young lady...have a blast!" But, if you find that one or more of the guys do indeed have a problem with it, then it is time to make a decision. Do you whittle away the men in order to have one true boyfriend? Or do you gently exit the connections that aren't working for you so you can continue to do what you want? These are not easy questions. And there are no easy answers either. Give yourself some time and space to decide what it is that you want and how you are going to go about achieving it. Best of luck to you.