Healthy Relationships: New Year's Resolutions.

Dear Mark: What are your thoughts on New Year's resolutions? I have never been a big fan but I have had one hell of a year and I don't like how my life is going. I think it's time to make some big changes. My boyfriend cheated on me, so I cheated on him back and we subsequently broke up. After that, I got involved in a nasty little downward spiral that included alcohol, some drugs and lots of late nights at clubs with my friends. I feel that I was out of control. I've tamed it down some but it's still there. I've been having problems with my job and think I'm about to get canned, which is okay since I hate it anyway. And I smoke...yuch! My question is should I start all of the changes right at the first of the year or space them out over time? -- Corey in Boca

Dear Corey: It does seem like you have quite a few things going on in your life at the moment. And it doesn't seem you are too happy about many of them. New year's resolutions are great for what they are. I look at them like an impetus for change.

The problem with resolutions is that they can set you up for a fall. People sometimes make them at the end of a bad year and try to do make all these changes before they have adequately prepared for such changes. Smoking is a good example. People want to stop, so on January 1st they quit cold turkey. Sometimes this works. My mom successfully did it many years ago. However, many times it doesn't. Oftentimes because the person is not ready to quit. Some options to think about are acupuncture. It has a proven success rate at helping curb cravings. There are also a few new pharmaceutical options available to you. Check with your doctor for more information.

However, I believe it all comes down to this: You have to really want these changes in your life, Corey, or you won't be able to make them. I say go with your gut on this one and space them out over time. I would really suggest going to a therapist to sort some of the problems out. I would suggest a cognitive behavioral approach in treatment that focuses on the action itself and how to eliminate it from your life. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me again.