Healthy Relationships: Let him know you're interested.

Dear Mark: I met this guy about 4 months ago at my new job. I think I've had a crush on him since I laid my eyes on him. He's always nice to me. And I catch him looking at me with sparkling eyes frequently, but he doesn't make a move on me. I'm 4 years older than him and I've got a higher position on the job. I think I'm in love with him now. But, in my culture, it's not good for a woman to make the first move. So, I can't do that. But, if I wait for him, I guess I have to wait forever. What should I do? Nel

Dear Nel, It sounds like you may have a connection with this man.

I know you said in your culture, it is not considered polite to make the first move. What about something before the actual first move? Like a lingering glance or a small, coy smile or chatting him up at the water cooler.

There are many things you could do to hint at your interest without making the first move. I know this may be an uncomfortable stretch. But, think of it this way, you have very little to lose and a lot to gain.

Your grandmother may frown a bit at you for your actions but if you end up dating him, how many people in your family will focus on this?

This is a modern world. In your culture, women don't make the first move. But, in many cultures, women have no problem showing their interest in a man.

How does this man know the particulars of your culture?

How do you stretch and take a risk without feeling bad about yourself?

These are good questions. I don't have the exact answers, but I know if you give yourself some time to think about your options, you will come up with something. You said you think you are in love with him. Some simple flirting seems like a small price to pay to find out if he feels the same way.

If all else fails, find a coworker that you trust and have that person mention "in passing" that you said he was cute. It's a bit of an old trick. But those old tricks have been around for a reason ... they work! Good luck. Take Care, Mark Rutherford LCSW