Healthy Relationships: My country, my parenting style.

Dear Mark: I've read a few of your columns and the women who write in sound so much like me and my life. I figured, What did I have to lose by writing you, too? You see, I'm a business woman. I make good money and I support myself and my two kids. I have supported them since my husband had an affair and left me over 10 years ago. The kids are almost grown and it has just been the three of us for the longest time. We all counted on each other. I think this was a pretty good plan.

The problem is that I met this guy I really like. He's considerably younger than me, almost by 10 years. He also isn't very settled. He's a trainer at a gym (that's how I met him). He's very attractive and personable. And at first he pursued me like crazy. After 10 years of being on my own and taking care of my kids, I was loving it. But as soon as I said I loved him, everything changed.

He stopped being as nice. Now he seems angry much of them time. Even things I thought he would love, he hates. I got a bonus at work for a week in Vegas for two. Of course I invited him, but he was ugly about it. He said, I work 10 times harder than you and for what? I've never gotten a free trip to anywhere. Must be nice.. My feelings were hurt but I wasn't sure what to say. Now I feel myself pulling away. Even my kids can't stand him and want me to move on. Any advice? Man Troubles

Dear Man Troubles, You guys need a couples therapist. Plain and simple. He definitely is having some issues with you and your success. This isn't something you can change. But if you don't address it with him, it will ruin your relationship. You can visit www.gettingtheloveyouwant.com or www.psychologytoday.com for a good couples therapist near you.

He is jealous, of course. But jealousy is a normal emotion, and doesn't have to ruin things between you. Your job is to find out why he is jealous. What goes on for him when he thinks about himself in relation to you. Get him talking outside the conflict. Work at not defending yourself but understanding him. This is important.

However, make sure you stop short of apologizing for your success. This is not your issue. It's his. You just need to understand him. You don't have to redirect your whole life because he is insecure. Show him you are available to process this with him when he is ready. But don't do the work for him. This is his opportunity to learn about himself and grow.