Healthy Relationships: I'm Alone.

Dear Mark: I'm writing because I'm embarrassed to talk with my friends about what is going on for me. I've got a good life with a good job and nice friends. I've always been in a relationship. My last relationship lasted four years. I'm 33 and the last five months have been the first time in my adult life I have been single.

I've been doing all the right things, like going on dates, getting on the Internet, going out with my friends, going to the gym. I even took a trip home for the first time in a couple of years to see my family. But I end up thinking the same thing at the end of the day: I'm alone. -- Looking for Love

Dear Looking for Love: Your dilemma is a common one. People are enveloped in this lifelong quest for love. This is a universal human phenomenon. Don't beat yourself up. But also try to put it into some context in your life. Every difficult change in our lives is an opportunity for growth. It's a chance to learn something about yourself that you did not know before.

Take this time to revel in your "singleness." Do not be over concerned with the fact that you are not in a relationship. Along the same lines, do not focus too much on the search for a partner, either. Spending time with friends is good and going to the gym couldn't hurt. I love the fact you are attempting to reconnect with your family.

I would suggest you also try picking up a book, a subject you love, and begin reading. Go to the beach in the morning for long walks. Paint a room in your house a new color. Volunteer at your favorite organization. Get a hobby. Adopt a pet from the rescue league. Go sky diving.

My point is you should use this time to rediscover yourself and, more to the point, enjoy yourself. It's okay to look for love, just try not to be consumed with it. From what you shared about your history, the next relationship will come again. And with that relationship, will be your next chance to attempt to make a lasting connection with someone. Just imagine how much better that connection could be if you came to the table as a more well-rounded, better read, more experienced, richer person.