Healthy Relationships: How to Keep the Music Playing.

Dear Mark: I have a dilemma that I hope you can help me with. I have been with my husband for 9 years. The sex is OK, not great anymore and the fire seems to be gone. We have one child, but I don't think that should be the only reason that he doesn't seem as "into me" as he used to. We don't do "IT" that often and I am wondering if it means that we don't love each other like we used to. --Karen, Jupiter

Dear Karen: "How do you keep the music playing?" is a question from that great 80s song. One thing we have to get straight right off the bat is one simple fact: Sex is not necessarily love and love is not necessarily sex. Remember this adage and you will find yourself more comforted. Sometimes you can have great sex outside the confines of a relationship or love for that matter. The two are not always interconnected. Of course, we would like the two to go hand-in-hand in a relationship.

Try to remember what you found so hot about each other. Remember back to the time when you first met. Remember the energy between you and the passion. What did you do back then for fun? How were you romantic with each other? Talk about some of your hidden fantasies. Find new and interesting places to be romantic.

All of this is just part of the picture. In an effort to rekindle what you feel you have lost with your boyfriend, you must talk with him about your feelings. You must also give him a chance to express to you what is going on for him. Believe it or not, men actually have feelings.

If you're feeling this disconnect, there's a good chance he is as well. Apart from all the new ideas and creative twists, you must feel like you are able to connect at an emotional level as well as a sexual level. When you can feel trusted, understood, AND hot and attractive ... well, then you've achieved something.