Healthy Relationships: Does age difference matter?

Dear Mark: I want to tell you about someone who just came into my life. I meet this guy online and we started going out. He happened to be a really nice guy. He has most of the qualities I want in a man. He is loving, caring, doesn't drink or smoke, and likes to hang out. He is very honest and we have good conversations. We are alike in many ways. The only problem is that I am 25 and he is 47 years old. I know sometimes age is not a problem, but this is a big difference.

When I go out with him, I catch myself looking at other younger guys. I know that may sound really bad, but I want to be honest to him and myself. To tell you the truth, I am not really attracted to him that much. He has an OK body but he doesn't do it for me. I need your advice. What I should do? We haven't had sex yet, but we had some intimate times like making out. But that's all. We even went out to a bar on Clematis this past weekend. We had a great time there. Everyone was dancing and we were just sitting, looking and hugging. It was fun. I just don't know. Please give me your opinion on this matter. Thank you. Younger and Restless

Dear Y&R, There are millions of men in this world. They come in all shapes and sizes and colors. My first piece of advice would be to take a sampling from all of them and pick and choose the ones you really like. Sometimes a guy can be hot looking but a lousy lover. Sometimes you may be willing to work on the sex part. Other times, the sex is great but he's just not relationship material. These guys sometimes become a Mr. Right Now. And then, every once in a while, you meet a guy who really gets you worked up sexually and has the desire/ability to get into a relationship.

There are also many men who fit into the "good friend but not lover material" category. These can be the really great guys, friendship material, who have everything you're looking for, but you are just not attracted to them. This is what your new friend sounds like to me. You seem to like him a great deal but are not sexually attracted to him. You didn't say it, but my guess would be that he is very sexually attracted to you. If this is the case, and the degree of attraction is not mutual, you are not being fair to yourself or to him.

My advice would be to talk with him about the feelings you are having. Many women shy away from an honest discussion because they fear it will hurt the guy's feelings. My assertion would be that you are hurting him more by not telling him the truth. And when you finally do back away, or find someone else, he will be clueless and probably very hurt. The adult thing to do is to talk with him about what you are feeling.

Who knows? He may have anticipated your feelings and worked on a few solutions. Sometimes guys who don't look to be studs in bed turn out to be the best lovers of all. If he is willing to try, I say give him a chance in the sack. You may be pleasantly surprised. An older, in shape, handsome man who is physically and emotionally present and available can be the hottest sex around. It may even beat out those young studs you've had your eye on.